Saturday, October 1, 2011


Writing an entry this week has been very difficult. The semester has started in earnest, and, like always, I find myself overwhelmed by work, school, and life in general. Although the business of the semester is a little comforting in its sameness, this semester brings the challenges of moving out of my safety zone, and into the great unknown of "adult" life.

Strangely, I find myself starting to do adult things, make adult decisions. I'm moving into the professional world (at a snail's pace) by beginning the ordination process in the United Methodist Church; I'm living mostly independently financially from my parents in an apartment; I'm transitioning into the intellectual adult territory of graduate school; and finally I'm engaged to a wonderful, loving man and find myself on the path to being a wife.

Many of these emerging roles (pastor, wife, adult) are frighteningly foreign. These are things I hardly dreamt of becoming, except in the safely distant future. Suddenly, the future is immanent. I find blessings piled on blessings, and, human being as I am, begin to list my shortcomings, and the reasons why I can't accept them, why I'm bound to fail.

Again, themes emerge in these entries. Themes that crop up in my journey through life, the things I haven't quite reconciled, haven't quite squared away with my psyche. Performance, failure, the overwhelming pressure to do everything and be everything.

So, daily I offer up my prayers. Prayers for peace of mind, for confidence in God, prayers for blessings in my endeavors and in the endeavors of my friends and coworkers. Prayers for a loving and lasting relationship, prayers for the skill, patience, and love that fuel healthy ministry.

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